The Chai Latte Tales

Pathetic pathetic pathetic....

I'm in a, what we call, brooding mode right now. Yes, wallowing in self pity... again, for the nth time.

I checked how my old schoolmates were doing. So far so good, I might say... It seemed they're having the time of their lives. They are living in what I imagined college / grown-up life would be. Almost all of them are happy. Almost everyone, except for me, I guess...

So here I am, chugging another swig of chai latte, typing this stupid post in this hell hole I called life.

It's not like I didn't try to be happy. I actually listed down every single blessing I received:
1. my computer --- which I love so much
2. the Internet, particularly my friends in the wizarding world (who wanted to invite me at a gathering in Chicago but I had to decline because of obvious reasons)
3. my bestest best friends in the whole wide world --- no need for names, you know who you are, mwah! to you guys
4. Ms. Rowling's superb, incomparable talent --- no need for further explanations
5. my music file --- unfailingly cheers me up with the song "the middle" by jimmy eat world
6. my unimaginable talent for remembering things not worth remembering but i still remember because i prefer to remember them due to the fact that me remembering these things make me ME --- 'nuff said
7. Chocnut ice cream --- which undoubtedly make my day special
8. chai latte --- I'm drinking a giant steaming mug right now... feels like everything's gonna be okay...
9. my gruesome yet very educating experiences --- with people, that is.... "Difficult times ahead. You have to choose from what is right and what is easy..."
10. His Eternal Cuteness Lord Mouldy-shorts emailing me back --- Why the hell did it take two weeks for HIM to email back? It's not like we're using wizard post..... grrr but happy... Super happy that he MIGHT care for me...
11. rainy days --- I just love to curl in the soft fluffy sofa, drink hot chocolate and stare into blank space...
12. Franz Ferdinand --- love their songs
13. fanfics --- My jaw always drops in disbelief at uber-fans of HP when they come up with the weiredest, funniest, and most disgusting (read: same-sex romance fics) fanfics in the whole planet...
14. my bum --- the shock absorber... always there for me... duh..
15. my spongebob freak-out --- which freaks people out that in turm freaks me out even more..... here I go again...

I made the list in the apparently futile attempt to cheer me up, but to no avail I still think of the things I should be enjoying while I'm still not a member of the work force.
1. I should be having a fantastic lovelife right now.
2. in accordance to no. 1, I'm supposed to have HIM as my S.O. (significant other)... yeah right... like that would even happen...
3. I should be enjoying the path I'm taking... why do I feel like I shouldn't be in this direction? I feel others (read: my parents) are smothering me, mollycoddling me and wanting to make me something I'm not.
4. I should turn down my defenses against people in general --- I'm still jaded even if "what happened" was years ago... still afraid of people, especially guys... I'm not really a man-hater (gosh, I'm in love with one), but most guys are jerks....
5. If I can't be with Lord Mouldy-shorts, then THE guy has to be an HP freak like me. A guy who would rather break up with me than give me his copy of HbP.
6. My parents should accept the fact that I could not be pretty and thin... duh... average features, dark circles 'round the eyes like a raccoon, not-so petite body (sorry, sarap kumain e!), utter dislike for majority of the girly-girly clothes that are in right now... and the fact that they cannot purge me of my HP madness... I will fight tooth and nail.... Why don't they just refer me to a psychiatrist?
7. my incessant need for a psychiatrist or psychologist, whoever... --- see above for the obvious reasons
8. my parents to stop driving me up the wall --- driving me bonkers
9. I should be popping Valium right now --- for obvious reasons
10. I should stop feeling sorry for myself --- banging my head on the computer table right now..

As you can see, I definitely need some psychological assistance here... buti na lang I have Psyc students for BFFs (best friends forever!) who puts up with this BS I'm in at this moment....

Well, here I am, taking another sip of chai latte, with some voice in my head trying to convnce me everything's gonna be okay....